


Body Adjustments

by tielan



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-12-18
Updated: 2001-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why is Sam getting all these tests? Is she pregnant?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Body Adjustments

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this initially came from someone else’s fic “A Majorally Bad Day” where Sam more-or-less saves the guys while battling with ‘feminine troubles’. The information for it was gained a couple of years ago when I found myself in a similar situation to Sam…unfortunately without Jack, Daniel, or Teal’c anywhere around. Dammit!

It began in the cafeteria.

Jack sat down with his plate of food and stretched out in his chair,  “Hey, have you guys noticed Carter’s been getting a lot of tests done lately?”

”No.” Daniel looks up from his notes, “But now you mention it, she did say something about having to go see Janet this morning…”

“I met CaptainCarter coming back from the infirmary yesterday.”

“Yeah, and about a week ago she was in her office looking at one of those sheets they do x-rays and ultrasounds on. She hid them when I came in.” Jack eyes his team-mates suspiciously, “Is Carter dating someone?”

Daniel’s reply is prompt. “Not unless she keeps him in her office drawers, Jack.” He grins, feeling slightly mischievous, “Although I know of a few guys trying to work up the courage to ask her for a date.” Jack looks as if he’d like to demand a list of names, but doesn’t, much to Daniel’s disappointment.

“CaptainCarter would let us know if she were expecting a child,” Teal’c says in his deep voice. “She would not wish to endanger the child by going through the Stargate.”

Sitting up so fast, he almost upturns his plate, Jack demands, “She wouldn’t be able to go off-world?”

His team-mates regard him with surprise, “Well, travelling through the Stargate puts a lot of stress on the human body, Jack. I can’t imagine it would be healthy for someone during pregnancy. It could harm both an expecting mother and an unborn foetus.”

“I guess there’s no way I could order her not to get pregnant…” Jack mutters.

Daniel grins at the thought of Jack telling his 2IC she’s not allowed to become pregnant just so he can keep her on SG-1. “It’s a woman’s choice, Jack.”

“Carter loves her work.”

“But CaptainCarter may wish to be a mother, O’Neill.”

“Guys, we don’t even know if there’s anything wrong with Sam. It might just be routine tests…”

“Routine tests every day for the last two weeks?” Jack demands. “Yeah, right.” He starts eating his lunch – some kind of creamy pasta that turns Daniel’s stomach just looking at it. “Daniel, you’re gonna try to worm the info out of Carter.”

“Me?!?”

“You. She’ll get suspicious if me or Teal’c start asking questions about whether she’s okay or not. You’re the sensitive one…”

“Gee, Jack, that statement really hurts…” Jack glares. Daniel subsides.

“…and try not to let on about this conversation, huh?”

“Why send me on a mission if you don’t trust me to do it right?”

“Because you’re the only man for the job.”

“Oh, so I’m specially qualified, but you still don’t trust me… Yuck, Jack!” The pasta splatters across Daniel’s face. It’s not burning hot, but it’s still pretty warm, and he scrapes it off in disgust. “Remind me again, Colonel. _How_ old are you? Six, maybe?”

“O’Neill, I believe that was unnecessary. DanielJackson had a relevant point. If you do not trust him to speak to CaptainCarter about this matter, then why do you not do it yourself?’

“Don’t be silly, Teal’c. I’d end up in the infirmary for sure!”

“But you want _me_ to ask her about it?”

“You’re a nice guy.” Oh, and Jack makes it sound _soooo_ reasonable! “I’ll get you your favourite coffee for a week!”

“Flattery doesn’t work. Neither does bribery.”

“I’ll let you look at rocks next time you find some interesting ones when we’re off-world.”

“No, you won’t. And that’s bribery again, Jack.”

“Look, just go do it, Danny. Don’t ask questions.”

He’s going to persist until Daniel does, and right now, Daniel can’t be bothered with resistance. “Okay, okay! I was going to ask about some of the translations I was working on for P6C-299, so I’ll work on it then.”

“Knew we could count on ya, Danny!”

Daniel just scowls.

 

“Hey Daniel,” she looks up from her notes with a smile. Books are piled on her desk as she flips between pages and scribbles notes.

“Sam.” He watches her flip through the pages of a book seeking a reference. “What are you researching?”

“Oh, just some of the hydraulics we saw on in the Venusian temple on P4I-855. I recalled one of the old temples on earth having hydraulic doors…”

“The temple of Zeus in Athens. Around 750BC…”

She stops writing and looks at him with a flash of irritation, “Now why couldn’t you have come around this morning? I went through four textbooks just trying to find the reference – and then another six before there were any kind of diagrams displaying the hydraulics systems.”

“All you had to do was call,” he reminds her.

“I guess I should’ve.” Turning back to her books, she remarks, “What brings you to my door, Daniel? Unless you’re here to poke my ‘doohickeys’ the way the Colonel usually does.”

“Oh a couple of things,” he tells her, aiming for nonchalance. “I have some questions about the translations I made of those scrolls on P6C-299, and I was a bit worried about you.”

Her writing doesn’t stop, “Worried?”

“Yeah. Uh…is everything okay, Sam? I mean…personally…”

She gives him a slightly disbelieving look. “I haven’t fought with any of my boyfriends, if that’s what you’re asking, Daniel.” A slight smile twitches at the corners of her mouth. They tease each other about the people interested in them all over the base. She prods him unmercifully about the women who think his eyes are to die for, and he nudges her every time Lieutenant Simmons passes them in the corridor, painfully embarrassed in her presence.

“No, I’m not asking… Well, we…I noticed you’ve been going for a lot of tests lately.”

He gets the full intensity of her blue-eyed gaze. “It’s just one of those things.” She glances at him, still hovering, “Secret women’s business, Daniel.”

It’s kind of funny. Sam has a real problem ‘being a woman’ on their missions, to the point where she’ll snap at any of them if she thinks they’re ‘humouring’ her because of her gender; but in these little discussions with Daniel, she has no problem identifying herself with the rest of womankind.

“Well, we thought that maybe there was something you wanted to…let us know about?”

She stares at the page, blinks twice, and looks up at him. “No.” She says it firmly, but she’s hiding something. Exactly what, he can’t tell. He can’t read the processes behind her eyes. They should have sent Jack. He’s much better at reading Sam.

“Are you sure?”

She looks at him for a long moment, then looks back down at her work, and shakes her head. “Quite sure, Daniel.”

“Uh…okay, then…” He launches into a question about something he noticed about the P6C-299 translation he made, she starts explaining her understanding of the scroll, they get into a discussion which results in them bouncing ideas off each other, and that conversation is over.

At least, Daniel thinks it’s over.

Several hours later, in his office, he gets a call from Doc Fraiser. “Dr. Jackson, I’d like to see you in my office at 1500 hours.”

He wants to groan. It’s probably some new form of torture she’s come up with after the last mission they went through. Sometimes he swears Janet does it out of sheer spite. She doesn’t usually get to go through the Stargate so she makes it _very_ uncomfortable for those who do. “Sure, Doc…um…is it anything in particular…?”

“Actually, It’s about Sam. I’ve called in the Colonel and Teal’c for this meeting as well. 1500 hours, Daniel.” And she hangs up, leaving him staring at the wall.

Oh _no_.

It doesn’t look good.

Several hours later, he walks into the infirmary office, and finds Teal’c sitting there, calm as ever, hands folded. Seconds later, Jack ambles in and demands, “Do you guys know what this is about?”

“Janet said it was about Sam…”

Jack’s expression falls. “Damn. What did she say?”

“She said she’d called you and Teal’c in and that it was about…”

“Not that! What did Sam say?”

Daniel shrugs, “I asked if she had anything she wanted to tell us and she said ‘No’.”

“Would that not mean she does not wish to tell us?” Teal’c inquires with his literal understanding of the English language.

“It means she left the dirty work to the Doc,” Jack grumbles. “Damn, I didn’t figure Carter to be the maternal kind…”

“We don’t know _what_ this is, Jack. It might just be the Doc telling us to ease up on pestering Sam because she’s feeling delicate…”

“Delicate? Carter?” Jack snorts.

Daniel’s about to inform Jack he didn’t mean ‘fragile’ so much as ‘sick’, when the Doc walks into the infirmary. She directs them into her office and waits until they’re all in before closing the door behind them.

“Gentlemen, it’s my understanding that you’re curious about the tests Captain Carter has been undertaking lately.”

They look at each other, and Jack scowls at Daniel with a _What the hell did you say to her, Danny?_ expression. Daniel tries to convey that he didn’t say anything Sam could possibly have taken offence to, but there _was_ something she should have told them, and she didn’t want to. Obviously. Or else the Doc wouldn’t have called them in for this meeting.

“Uhh…yeah, we were just a bit worried about Carter, Doc. She’s been having a lot of tests.”

“Ah yes. Sam came to me for a series of blood tests two weeks ago to…investigate some things concerning her, namely the cessation of her usual menstrual cycle.” If Janet hears the faintest of indrawn breaths by Sam’s team-mates, she doesn’t look up from her papers. “Essentially, there are three hormone sets which balance each other out and change with the stages of a woman’s menstruation. The first is the ‘female’ hormone estrogen, the second is a hormone called progesterone, and the third is the ‘male’ hormone testosterone. The levels of these three hormones change throughout a cycle, fluctuating depending on the stage of the cycle. During pregnancy, the attachment of the fertilised egg into the wall of the uterus sets off a particular hormonal balance which tells the body not to release the uteral lining – meaning a woman ceases to menstruate.”

The dark eyes regard the men before her with crisp medical professionalism. “Both pregnancy and menopause cause particular hormonal balances in a woman, but there are other situations in which a woman will find her menstruation cycles ceasing. For instance, female athletes training for an event often find their menstruation cycles become irregular if they don’t vanish altogether. Other situations might be under a great deal of stress, or sometimes in the military. This can have an adverse effect on the fertility of a woman…”

Daniel frowns as the Doc mentions this: Sam’s been _trying_ to get pregnant? He catches the same frowning question in Jack’s eyes and shrugs. No answers from him.

Doc Fraiser goes into careful detail about a lot of things while the Jaffa, the archaeologist, and the Colonel listen in increasing awe and horror. The words ‘amenorrheal’ and ‘ovarian cysts’ come up, and Jack _doesn’t_ ask for explanations.

Daniel doesn’t _want_ to ask for explanations. ‘Being married’ is very different to ‘knowing the mechanics of it’. You’re aware of months and grumpy moods and those days where you’re better off doing everything yourself because if you ask for _anything_ she’s just going to growl at you. Sha’uri was better tempered than some of the Abydonian women, but even then there were days when Daniel, Ska’ara and Kasuf just stayed the hell away from her and thanked whatever gods or winds of chance had made them male.

So why is the Doc telling them all this?

All they want to know is why Sam’s been having all these tests.

Daniel ventures to ask. “Doc, I don’t mean to interrupt you when you’re…uh…so obviously enjoying explaining this to us but…”

“What’s all this go to do with Carter, Doc? She was getting all these tests.”

“We thought perhaps CaptainCarter was expecting a child.”

“And then you called us up here and start talking about all this…stuff.” Jack winces, crosses his arms and scowls, “So tell us the news, Doc. Is Carter pregnant?”

“She isn’t.”

“Why then has she been having so many tests done?”

“She was concerned at her lack of menstrual cycles and wanted to make sure nothing was wrong.”

“And the tests say…?”

Doc Fraiser shrugs. “Everything seems to be fine. She has higher-than-usual testosterone levels, although still well within the range for female hormone balance; oestrogen is fairly high. The problem appears to be with her progesterone levels, which are within the range expected by the body when a woman is pregnant.”

The three men exchange glances.

“Which means?”

“Basically Sam’s hormones are telling her body she’s pregnant – although she isn’t – and as a result, she’s not menstruating.”

“Why?” Daniel flushes and tries to qualify his question. “I mean, like you said before, has she been stressed or something?”

“As far as I can tell, there are no particular stresses on her right now, so that’s out. She’s been in the military for many years now, and prior to a year ago, she was having perfectly regular cycles.” The Doctor smiles faintly. “However, female body chemistry is an amazing thing. Women living in the same household tend to cycle within a few days of each other if not at precisely the same time. They did some tests on fishing villages about fifty years ago…”

“Doc…”

She grins at Jack’s protest. “On the other hand, a woman living in close quarters with several men, of which none are familiarly related or lovers, tends to become amenorrheal.”

“And that means…?” Jack’s getting impatient.

“Her cycles lighten, become irregular, or stop completely.”

“This is what has happened to CaptainCarter?”

“Yes. Her proximity to the three of you on SG-1, and her own subconscious effort to be ‘not-a-woman’ on your missions is affecting her body chemistry which has resulted in her menstrual cycles ceasing.”

Silence greets this pronouncement.

Naturally, it’s Jack who breaks it. “That’s _all_?”

“Yes.”

“And you called us in and explained all this because…”

“…because you wanted to know, Colonel. At least, that was the impression Captain Carter gave me.” Is there a twinkle in Janet’s eye?

“For crying out loud, we wanted to know what the tests were for – not all this stuff about…cycles and hormones!”

Daniel suddenly gets the point, “We were prying, and this is Sam’s payback. Right, Janet?”

“She felt you should be appropriately informed.” Oh, that’s a twinkle all right.

“Aww…hell, Doc. You could have just…”

“Yes, I could have.” The Doc says, innocently wicked. “But it was a lot more fun this way.” She shuffles her notes. “Now, gentlemen, can I help you any further in your quest to discover more about the intricacies of female menstruation?” The three of them get up so fast the papers on her desk flutter. “I guess not.” She gives them a very small smile. “Personally I’m rather surprised that Sam’s the first woman to report this condition. The testosterone on this base is enough to give any woman poisoning.”

“Thanks _so_ much for the lecture, Doc,” Jack tells her sarcastically and leads the way out of the infirmary.

Teal’c adds, “It was very educational, Dr. Fraiser.” He’s not kidding either.

Daniel follows sheepishly after, but stops just outside the infirmary. After a second of silence, he can hear the whoops and gurgles as the Doc lets her mirth get the better of her. He shakes his head and jogs after his team-mates.

Leading the way, Jack is a man with a mission. “Oh, she’s gonna get it for this!” In the lift, he jabs in the floor number for Sam’s lab, and thumps the wall. “I can’t believe I sat there for thirty minutes listening to the Doc describe things I don’t even want to _think_ about…”

“C’mon, Jack,” Daniel can see the funny side of it now. “She was right. We were being nosey…”

“Nosey? It’s our team at stake here!”

“Yes, but it’s Sam’s body!”

“Don’t throw that feminist crap at me, Daniel.”

He’s in no mood for reason as they step out of the lifts and Jack storms down towards Sam’s lab.

Around a corner, they nearly slam into Sam coming in the other direction. “Sir!” She seems surprised to find them on this level.

Jack doesn’t beat around the bush: “You got the Doc to tell us exactly what was happening just to watch us squirm, didn’t you, Carter?”

She blinks, “I wasn’t there, sir.”

“But you were watching from the security room, weren’tcha?”

A slightly cagey look enters her eye. “With Lieutenant Meridian, sir.” The two of them probably had a great old chuckle with each other.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Jack grinds out.

A dimple appears demurely in one cheek. “Very much so, sir.”

Jack glances at Daniel and Teal’c, neither of whom offer him any help at all. If he’s going on the rampage, he’s doing it solo. “Carter, answer me this question if you will.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Why?”

A smile crosses her lips. “Sir, you were married for over twelve years. If you don’t know by now, I’m not going to tell you.”

And off she walks.

Jack looks at Daniel, and they both look at Teal’c.

He shrugs.

 _Women!_


End file.
